Well hello their my long lost friend! I have missed you my dear sweet blog. I know I left you in the dust for my other BFF…but Facebook seemed to be more interesting at the time. Well, still is actually, but I just can’t share all of my thoughts with her the way I can with you. So, I am back and so ready to tell you all that has been going on.
Have you ever gone to stay somewhere that had a full length mirror in front of the bathtub or right smack dab in front of the shower? One that you CAN”T possibly avoid when you pull the shower curtain back? Well, I did this past week. OH MY GOODNESS…I have to say that I was quite ashamed of what I look like at 43 years old. Now…I don’t want you to try and picture that…it would be just too much…and it would be sorta creepy too to think of you all thinking of THAT! But let me tell you…this has really got me to doing some really hard thinking on the matter of me and full length bathroom mirrors!
I had to ponder why I never really noticed this before now…I mean, my weight hasn’t changed in over 4 years. I am pretty constant with that. But I never REALLY viewed myself the way the mirror projected me. How can that be? I still think of myself as being much smaller than that mirror showed me I am. There was a moment of stunned silence as I slowly closed my eyes, shook my head to clear it, and then SLOWLY opened them again. Nope, no change, still the same mirror, still the same projection of ME! I dried off and dressed. After that I went back to the same mirror, stood there with clothes on and started thinking…”See, I am not really THAT out of shape.” Amazing what clothes that fit well can do for you. I didn’t think about it anymore that day. Then the morning came again…still the same bathroom and the same BLASTED mirror in the same BLASTED spot IN FRONT OF THE BATHTUB! Almost the same scenario, but this time I turned around backwards to peer over my shoulder! NO WAY…ughhhh! Then I had to do a little hop and wiggle to see if it all REALLY would still continue to move after my feet were stationary. Then the tears came to my eyes…big ol’ crocodile tears! Now, I didn’t get depressed because I GOT ME THIS WAY ALL BY MYSELF, and I am not one to wallow in self pity. Plus you see, I am the DAUGHTER OF A KING and that means that I am loved for who I am no matter what and that I can go to my FATHER IN HEAVEN and ask anything of Him. And that is what I did.
“Father, (big ol’ crocodile tears rolling down my face) I don’t feel so great about myself right now. I know I have sinned against you by not taking care of the temple that you reside in. Please forgive me and help me to do better. BUT, you know I love meat and potatoes, and pasta and bread, and then there is the butter and cream that is so rich and good on just about EVERYTHING! You gave me these desires, the need for food. If you didn’t want me to eat all I want then why did you give me all I want? Modesty in all things Yeah, BUT it seems like you set me up There is no temptation given that I haven’t made a way of escape BUT I am week and you know that already when you are week I AM strong BUT I don’t want to control what I eat, it is just too good and well, I LOVE TO EAT. I don’t eat sweets, just the things that are good for me…you know, the meat, breads, and yummy butter and cream! My sisters are all skinny, and so are my brothers. Can’t you just give me the genetic codes that they have? you are made in my image BUT YOU aren’t fat! I have given you self control, you just have to use it BUT don’t you see, I CAN”T do this by myself resist the Devil and he shall flee huh? The Devil…what does he have to do with my weight? He would want me skinny so men would lust after me. I know this didn’t come from him. He didn’t give me a desire for good tasting food, seems that comes from somewhere else…like maybe You…you are planning on letting us feast when we get to Heaven…I’m thinking your Word says something like that. to even be in heaven one day you must first learn to HONOR ME in all things…whatsoever ye eat and drink, do all in honor to ME but how do I honor YOU in my eating and drinking? you are losing me with this one I give you food when you hunger, I ask you to be modest in all things, I ask you to put your desire to please me above ALL things, and then I give you a way to escape the temptation to satisfy your lust for worldly things. Worldly things…food is considered a worldly thing? Never thought of food that way, that’s a new concept for me. So if food is a worldly thing, then I must not eat because You said to stay away from worldly things! That is impossible! No my child…food is not worldly…it is given by me to sustain you…but your lust for more than you need is worldly…that is the temptation that I will help you escape from…flee the lust of the flesh Help me to leave the table when my hunger is satisfied. Help me to get up before I eat enough that I have to lay down to take a nap afterwards. Keep me ever thoughtful of my actions so that I may truly honor you in ALL that I do, even in my nourishment. Thank you Father for showing me the things you have.
And that is exactly how that morning went for me (well almost). I am sure there was more words than that, and I am sure I argued with God more than that. But what really took place was me realizing that I need to Honor my father in Heaven more than I have been. There is this song and part of the words are;
“Amazing love, how can it be, that You, my King, would die for me? Amazing love, I know it’s true. It’s my joy to honor You, in all I do, I Honor You.”
We sing this at church and though i sing it with all my heart I want to actually do it, all the time, not some time…not just when it suits me, but even when it doesn’t. There is a lot to Honoring God. It is possible though.
So…with all that said…I have started an exercise program. Yesterday was day 1. I just have to get through each day. Not look to tomorrow, not look at others, but just plunge through each day.
My first goal: run to the dock and back (800 yds) without stopping to walk part of it, do 100 crunches (all different kinds), do 30 lunges, do 30 squats, do all the push ups I can (that made me think of these)
Oh yeah…I am also going to eat with chopsticks instead of a fork. Along with that I am going to pray at the beginning of each meal that God will keep me and will guide me though the Honoring Him part. That He will help me be aware of the differences in hunger and lust for food.
I hope you will get some enjoyment out of reading my updates. They will be titled “Bathroom Mirrors & Honoring God”